Saturday, June 18, 2011
After I dressed for work Friday morning I realized I didn't even really need to stretch it out. How awesome is that?! I got lots of compliments too, which I loved. I still was self-conscious of the mid-section roll, but all in all I was happy with the way the 1x fit. I've never worn that size before, or at least not in any type of recent memory.
I ended up winning 'Landsafe's #1 Mavs Fan' as well, which is pretty hilarious if you know me and my 'I could care less' attitude regarding any and all sports. Don't get too excited for my win though. It was only between my friend Diannah and I. Everyone else were party poopers, but we still enjoyed our Mavs Mania Day. Go MAVS..and 1x shirts!
Same Side view - This is a little blurry, but I pulled the shirt on the opposite side to show how full it had been.I love victories like these! Sometimes it's nice to not focus so much on that number on the scale. ;)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I still struggle with weight issues. Will I eat well today and make appropriate choices? Will I track? Will I exercise? I've come to realize that I will always have these struggles, but I am learning to make better choices regarding them. Counseling is really helping me in this area and so is my accountability partner. Most weeks canceling my counseling appt or ignoring that text or email from my accountability partner crosses my mind. It just does. I don't want to face the area where I haven't done my best that week. I always feel better after facing it though and talking about it. Funny, huh? And then I dread it the next time it comes around. Ha.
This struggle has been much harder than I ever thought it would be. Yes, I have lost 170 lbs, so something is going right, but this whole mental thing...yeah, it's so crazy when you start picking it apart. I thought I'd go to counseling for a few weeks and be "fixed". It doesn't really work that way. 31+ years of being over-weight and the mental toll that takes on you doesn't disappear overnight. I am working on it though. This is the first time EVER that I have worked on it. Maybe that's why my attitude is different this time. Even when I stumble I'm getting back up and not giving up. I'm never going to give up.
Monday, May 23, 2011
We celebrated Joy's 30th Birthday at Sfuzzi's in Uptown on May 13th and I bought a dress at Target for the occasion. I thought I'd probably wear a little sweater or something to cover up my arms but the more I thought about it the more I decided I'd go without. I did bring it along, just in case, but didn't put it on all night. I hate my arms and will definitely want all the extra skin cut off one of these days after getting to goal weight, but it was exciting to go bare. ;-)
I've always been very self-conscious about my legs too. I haven't worn shorts in public in probably 10+ years. I decided it was time. I've lost so much weight that they have to be smaller than they used to be. I slapped on some Jergen's tanning lotion to hide them a little more and just went with it.
I LOVE milestones like this. They thrill me and help me to see how far I've really come. I still struggle daily, no hourly, with food and my relationship to it. It's hard and sometimes I definitely feel defeated, but it's things like this that show me that it's all worth it and to keep pushing ahead. As First Place 4 Health says, "Choose the next right thing.".
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I got these black pants from her. I'm not sure if they are supposed to be gouchos, but they are on me. Oh, and I LOVE THEM. They are stretchy and so comfy! And, wait for it....they are a size 14/16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't been in that size in....pretty much ever.
Then I got this shirt and vesty thing too. I thought the shirt was too tight on it's own, and hung to closely to the back fat rolls, but the vest covered that up terrificly. And the vest is a LARGE. Whoo hoo. I couldn't be more excited. I was told today that these size 20 pants look terrible. I'm pretty sure this was a compliment on my weight loss, and a not so subtle hint to never wear them again. Matter of fact, I believe I was also told this was the last time to wear them. They don't even look that bad to me. lol.
And yes, I was taking pictures of myself in the bathroom at work. lol. I had to be quick because you never know when someone will be walking in. I'm pretty sure they'd think I was strange if they caught me taking pics of myself. Ha.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The half marathon, 13.1 miles, started at 7:30 am. Keelie & Lindsey both participated in the half, the first for both of them. We saw them off and then got ready for the next race to start. At 7:35 am Mary & Laura headed out in the 10K, 6.2 miles. Me, Norma, Stacie, & Ruth Ann were next up in the 5K, 3.1 miles. We headed out at 7:45 am. It was ridiculously cold. Then of course about 5 minutes into it the rain started to pour. I saw some women up ahead get out of line and head back to where we started. EVERYTHING in me wanted to do the same, but I just couldn't let myself. I knew everyone else was out here experiencing the same thing and they were doing even more miles than I was. I kept thinking about Keelie running a half marathon in these conditions so I kept chucking along. The poncho helped some, but my windpant capri's were soaked and sticking to me. My shoes and socks were completely wet. I tied my poncho hood down and trucked along. I was trying to walk this 5K as fast as possible. For one reason, I just wanted to be DONE and out of the awful conditions. My hands were so red, chapped, and cold. It really was bad. But I also wanted to beat my time from September. My tennis shoes kept slipping around on the roadway. I was kicking myself for not having used the Groupon I bought for $50 worth of shoes at Run On! I was also worried about my phone. We'd bought snack size baggies at Target the night before to put our phones in incase the weather got bad. Of course I had put my baggie in my pocket and hadn't put it on my phone yet. When I used the portapotty if rolled out of my pocket and onto the floor. I wasn't about to pick it up and use it after that. But a tiny part of me wished I had so I wasn't worried the weather would ruin my dang iPhone. I was making pretty good time despite all the conditions. I had walked my first mile in 15 minutes so based on that I estimated I'd be done with the 5K in around 45 minutes. I was slowing down by the time on my watch thought. Dang it! And then of course my car key, which I'd tied onto my shoe so I wouldn't lose it, started coming lose. Ugh. I was really afraid I'd lose it somewhere on this course. At one point I had to jump over into the median and tie it up tighter. I was so bitter. Then not 5 minutes later my laces started coming completely undone. At that point I had to jump over into the median again, and this time I took the key off and quickly re-tied my shoe, of course losing even more time. Ugh! I carried my key the rest of the way, along with one of my earrings which I'd accidentally ripped out while trying to fix my earphones. I was a mess and so ready to be done. Finally I crossed the finish line!!! I knew I'd finished in under an hour, but I wasn't sure of my exact time. The times were later posted and my chip time was 51:59.0 min, compared to September's time of 52:27.2 min. Bleh. I think it could have been much better minus the weather and my shoe situation. lol. I also came in 29th out of 38th of 5K women in the Athena division, which is women over 150 lbs. It really excited me to not be last. Ha.
After stopping at Corner Bakery to chow down on some much needed food and a warm atmosphere, we headed home.I unfortunately got some pretty good blisters on my feet from my wet socks & shoes. I also got this nasty little blood blister on the corner of my big toe. It was pretty sore for a few days. Now it's just kind of black. Hope that's normal. Ha!
We had a great time yet again at Heels and Heels. Definitely check out Keelie's post about her first half marathon! I consider she and Lindsey rockstars!!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
I continue to go to counseling every week and am learning SO very much about the mental aspect of all this. This past week my counselor had me write out the pros & cons of 'Eating Any Food, Any Amount, Any Time'. Guess what? There aren't that many pros...go figure. And believe me, I tried to think of some. My counselor told me to pull the list out every time I ate this week to remind myself of the HUGE cons side of the list, which will help me to make more appropriate choices.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I finally made it to my surgeon's office on March 8th for my six month check-up, which was really 8 months! I had done blood work back in January to check all my vitamin levels, so I got the results of those at my appointment. They check a total of 16 things each time I have my blood drawn; CBC, CMP, Iron, TIBC, B-12, 25-OH Vitamin D, PTH (Intact) and Without CA+, Lipid Profile, HG A1C, TSH, HIV, IGG H. Pylori Antibody Titer, Vitamin A, Vitamin E, Zinc, and Transferrin. If you know what any of that means, let me know! lol! All I know is they take vial after vial of blood! Thankfully most of my blood work was good. I hadn't been measuring any of the stuff I was eating or drinking so it was hard to report back about how much protein, water, and fat I'd been getting. I was told to increase my protein since my levels were low normal, get structured activity, and stop the sweets, pasta, and breads since my triglycerides were elevated.
I've also started seeing a counselor, which is going really well. I've added a lot of structure to my life, including journaling what I eat so I know how much protein, fat, carbs, water, and exercise I'm getting. I wasn't too excited about the journaling suggestion from the counselor and even resisted at first, but am doing much better now. Counseling is helping me to begin to change my way of thinking and concept of myself. In short it's great and I recommend it to everyone.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
I had to share this find. I drink water all day, however I rarely drink it plain. I have to add flavors to it. Before I went to the store I saw a commercial for this new water enhancer. It's a liquid add-in instead of powder. I just had to dry it out. I was glad to see there was a display at Kroger. It was very picked over, but I managed to get a fruit punch and sweet tea. I was very excited about the sweet tea since I'm pretty much addicted to sweet tea, but it doesn't really fit in too well with being healthy and bringing those pesky triglycerides down, so now I can have it with 0 g sugar & 0 g carbs. Yay! I've already used them quite a bit since yesterday and I definitely recommend them.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A year ago today my mom was diagnosed with cancer again for the third time. It was the worst day of my life. It was all too ironic that it fell on April Fool's Day. I had spent the night in the hospital with mom as we awaited test results for what we knew might be cancer again, although we were hoping it was some type of infection. I'll never forget that day. I wish I could. I still remember the doctor's face like it was yesterday. I can't explain the feeling of getting that news that the breast cancer was back and had spread. It's the helpless, out of control feeling. You know those tv shows where the main character is up above watching what is happening to them down below? Yeah, kind of like that.
Fast forward to today, a year later. Mom took her 14th chemo today and her tumor marker has gone down to 55 from the 1800 it was at a year ago. Destination tumor marker is between 0 - 37. We're nearly there!!!! God is a mighty, mighty God.
This is the reason my sister & I have taken on an incredible challenge. November 4-6, 2011 we will walk 60 miles to help end breast cancer forever. We will join together with thousands of other women and men as part of the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure.
No one should have to go through what we have seen our mom go through. No one should have to have a double mastectomy, take radiation that burns their skin, or take chemotherapy that causes them to lose their hair and feel ill. She had NO choice in getting breast cancer three times. We are choosing to walk 60 miles to honor her, as well as the many other women and men fighting and SURVIVING this terrible disease. We also walk in remembrance of those we have lost. We will do all we can not to let breast cancer affect anyone else's future. We are choosing to fight back. We are challenging ourselves to accomplish more than we ever thought possible.
We've agreed to raise at least $2,300 in donations and need your help. I would be honored if you'd consider making a donation to this cause. Please know you can donate any amount no contribution is too small!
You can donate online at The3Day.org. Just click on "Donate" and search for my personal fundraising page. You can also fill out the enclosed donation form and mail it to the address on the form. You can also call 800-996-3DAY to donate over the phone.
Net proceeds from the 3-Day for the Cure are invested in community-based breast health programs and breast cancer research. The research funded focuses on decreasing breast cancer incidence and mortality in the next decade.
Thank you in advance for your generosity and for helping end breast cancer forever.
Also, ask your employer if they will double your donation through a matching gift program! Many companies will!
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.the3day.org/site/TR?px=3038852&pg=personal&fr_id=1622&et=yej-_QgFkEXyrVDvHUJ6eA..&s_tafId=461820
Monday, March 28, 2011
I have the same shirt on in both photos. Last year I was very self-conscious in it. I even wore a tank-top under it so it would hang out the bottom and hopefully cover up my big stomach a little more.
I loved the shirt this year! It was big and was a wonderful feeling! I wasn't self-conscious in it at all! I even enjoyed having pictures taken.
A few weeks ago my friend gave me the photo from last year after she had taken it off a bulletin board background she still had. I taped it up in my cubicle and look at it daily. It's just amazing to me. It's a TERRIFIC reminder of why I had the DS surgery!
Monday, February 28, 2011
I weighed myself this morning, as it’s been 8 months today since I had my surgery. I haven’t lost any weight in the last month. No, I haven’t gained, BUT I HAVEN’T LOST. I’m so mad. And guess what? There is NO ONE to blame but myself! I REALLY hate it when that is the case! I HATE to be wrong! Really hate it. Just ask my family. Growing up it was ALWAYS someone else’s fault, mostly my younger sisters’. I do not like to lose! Lol! But apparently it’s time to grow up and take responsibility. Ugh again. What’s that about?!
I previously blogged about how I had really slacked since the holidays, had been eating a lot of carbs, drinking a lots of sweet tea, and eating a lot of chocolate. In that post I said that I was quitting all those things. I did quit them…for a day or two. Then it was right back on the unhealthy eating bandwagon. Ugh. And I knew what I was doing. I KNEW I didn’t need to order sweat tea. I KNEW I didn’t need to eat all that pizza and burgers, but I did anyway. In the past I could screw up with my eating and still have a good weight loss for the month. I was pretty much counting on that to continue. But ya know what, even when you’ve had weight loss surgery it is still no “easy fix” and you still have to work at it. I’m being hit in the face with that today. Besides not losing ANY weight (yeah, I’m bitter) I’ve been feeling gross too. You’d think one would STOP doing the things that made them feel sluggish and gross. Not so much when you are addicted to the thing, as I am. It’s been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Yup, I’m insane. And the thing is, I know better. I know what to do. I know to watch my portions, which I’ve let go lately because I can eat more than in the first few months after surgery. I still can’t eat like I previously did, but I need to reign it back in regardless. I know to not eat carbs, sugar, and I know I need to exercise. I know that doing the elliptical once in the last month WILL NOT CUT IT. I know these things, yet I still did whatever I wanted and failed myself.
So besides getting back on track with eating right and exercising, it’s time…it’s time to work on this mental thing that leads me back to sabotaging myself. I got the name of a well-liked counselor from a friend of mine WAY back in September and never called them. What’s worse is that I also lost the info. So today I have emailed my friend, admitting to never calling and losing the info, and asked for it again. I’m going to bite the bullet and call. I don’t have this mental part under control like I was trying to trick myself into thinking. It’s time. I’ll continue to spiral out of control if I don’t reign it in. I’ll keep you updated as to how it goes!
I don’t need a pity party or condolences. I just need to do this. This is my one chance. They tell you with the DS surgery that you have 18 months to lose your excess weight, while your body is in the ketosis state. I’ve wasted this past month for sure, and other months could have been a bigger loss. It’s just time to stop being ridiculous. This is my life and I’m taking it back. I’m going to refresh my memory with the guide given me by my doctor’s office and GET BACK ON TRACK!