Two Months Post-Op

I can't believe it's been two months today that I had my DS surgery! The time has really flown by and I'm really feeling quite well. I've been back to work a month now and have successfully started a workout routine. I've completed the first two weeks of C25K!!! I weighed at my primary care doc's office this week (dang allergies/sinuses) and as of Thursday, August 26th I had lost 49 lbs. Whoo hooo!

Headed to the lake this afternoon!

2 months post-op progress photos

I did week 2, day 3 of C25K on my elliptical tonight. I had put the last workout off since I hadn't felt well this week and it was time to get it in before I started week three tomorrow. This was my 'proof' photo that I sent to Keelie to confirm I followed through on doing it! Using the elliptical was good. It was different, but still felt like a really good workout. I just went a lot faster during the jogging times. As you can see, I was still breaking a good sweat! ;-)

43 lbs lost

I have lost 43 lbs in 7 weeks! Whoo hooo! Hip hip hooray!

I get nervous every time I weigh. I know I shouldn't live and die by the scale, but ultimately I do want the scale to reflect a loss every time. I actually had to end up going to the doctor this past Tuesday. After my first C25K adventure one of my incisions started to swell a bit and be red and sore. Great. I was a bit freaked as to what I may have done to it so I called the doc's office and they told me to come in so the PA could check it out. It turned out to be nothing big. It just got a bit irritated for one reason or another. Actually, by the time I got to my doc appointment it was already a lot better. Of course. The PA just said that it probably pulled away from the skin a bit and was not an issue. I even quizzed her about what kind of working out I should be doing at this point. I was secretly hoping she'd tell me not to run. Yes, I guess I'm still looking for excuses to not continue C25K. lol. She told me I should be doing 30 min of exercise a day and that I could do whatever I wanted, besides ab work, like crunches, etc. I'm not cleared for that until after 3 months post-op. I even questioned her. "It's okay for me to run at this size? My heart and breathing will be okay?" The answer was yes. Dang. lol. She did say that walking fast and jogging at this point were the same in affecting weight loss. I guess she knew I wasn't really sprinting or anything! It did cross my mind for a split sec to tell Keelie she said I couldn't run. Yes, I'm sometimes evil. lol. I did jokingly tell her I was only supposed to be doing the couch part of C25K. She didn't buy it. Ha. It was a good appointment though and I was thrilled and the number on the scale. I asked if I was on track with my weight loss and the PA said yes and that the doc would be pleased! Yay!

I've noticed in the last few weeks that my jeans are getting bigger and bigger. Another yay! This past week when I wore my jeans to work my friend kept singing "Pants on the Ground", courtesy American Idol this past season. I didn't even mind when she called me saggy butt. It thrilled me. I thought I'd share some saggy butt photos. They aren't the best, and ignore my junky apt, but you get the idea.

C25K

I hate to exercise. It's pretty much my least favorite thing...ever. I've never enjoyed it. Probably because I've always been big and therefore it's NEVER been fun for me. However, I do know, unfortunately, that weight loss and exercise go hand in hand. Anytime I've ever been pretty successful in the past with losing weight it has included exercise. Fine, it's necessary, but I still don't have to like it! ;) According to my doctor's office I need to be doing about 30 minutes of exercise a day...walking, swimming, running, whatever I feel like. Bleh!

Keelie got it in her head that I needed to start running as part of my exercise. Yeah, she's crazy. I told her as much. She's been running for awhile now as part of her weight loss program, even winning a medal at a 5K she participated in. However, we are most definitely not the same person and I kept telling her that I COULD NOT RUN. Keelie is also an avid Biggest Loser watcher and she told me that if all those people could do it, many heavier than myself, then I could too. Whatever! LOL! One point she made stuck with me though. She said this would be something different than I had ever done before. That sounded like a challenge to me...something I had to prove to myself...that I could do this.

Since Keelie & I are planning on participating in 5Ks that are coming up in the next few months, she told me I needed to start training. Of course I thought I was just going to be walking! But last week I get a text from Keelie saying to google Couch to 5K. So I did. It looked pretty interesting. You start out very slowly (5 min warm-up, 20 mins alternating jogging 60 secs and walking 90 secs, then a 5 min cool-down) and then work up to jogging a 5K throughout the 9 week program. There was even an app for the iPhone so I decided I'd download it and try this out. No promises. I told Keelie I'd start last Wednesday. Well, Wednesday came and went and I decided I was just too busy and tired so I'd start Monday. I would also avoid Keelie until that time. LOL. Although I knew in the back of my mind that she'd soon be asking. I got the dreaded text from her on Friday. "How is training going?" Well crap! After a lengthy text conversation of telling her I was really busy and I couldn't run, she said she'd be over that night and we were doing this. "Today is the day!" I wasn't thrilled, but said okay. I was dreading it and nervous about it all day. We decided that we would go to the local high school track to do the C25K. I had called that afternoon to make sure the track was open to the public. I was told all the local ISD's tracks were open to the public. Great! We arrived at the track and hopped out of the car. No one was there, but then again it was Friday night. They were at the movies or eating out, not exercising like us fools! Ha! It also smelled weird. I thought like spray paint, Keelie though sun tan oil. We head up to the track and then see the picture below. Workers were outside resurfacing the entire track! Are you kidding me?! That explains the weird smell! I didn't want to do this in the first place, we get here and can't even use the track that I had just inquired about that day! It wasn't meant to be!


Keelie had other ideas, and I wasn't really ready to give up that quickly either. So we headed to the football stadium nearby. It was locked up tight so we decided to just use the grassy, dark practice field across the parking lot. After the first 60 sec run we moved to the parking lot. The grassy field was way too dark, full of holes, and scary. I have a history of falling and breaking my ankle and I wasn't really in the mood to do so Friday night. We didn't talk much during our workout, mostly because I couldn't breathe. I dreaded each time we had to jog. I watched my phone tick down the minutes until I could walk again. Toward the end of the 20 minutes it was time to jog again and I just couldn't. I could NOT breathe. I told Keelie it was time to jog but I wasn't going to be able to this time; I would just walk. Keelie immediately starting saying "NO, you have to do! You can't quit now. Keep going! Think about blogging about this." I was SO irritated! I did NOT want to run. But I did. Nearly out of breathe and dying, I jogged. However, I will admit that I wanted to push Keelie down onto the pavement. LOL. I told her so afterward and we laughed. I quit being mad at her a minute later and was pretty happy with her when we finished and I did the WHOLE thing. Jogged EVERY time the program said to. I DID IT! I ran. I will admit my running/jogging was the slowest a person has ever done it. It's kind of like a fast walk with a bounce. But I DID IT! Yay! Here's the proof in the photo!

It's good to have a best friend who calls ya on your crap. Keelie knew I wasn't going to start this thing on my own. She showed up and made me do it and I'm SO glad she did. Now that's a best friend. Love ya Keelie!

What do you see?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about self-image. I just finished watching the second season of 'Ruby', the journey of a once 700+ lb woman who is now in the 300 lb range and still battling her food addiction daily. In the two hour season finale she and her friends, who are also battling with weight issues, went to a 6 day intensive program with an addiction specialist. One of the exercises they did was to draw life size versions of themselves, the way they thought they looked. It was very interesting to see the results compared to the actual way they looked. Some people thought they were much bigger than they actually were, and of course others didn't see their large sizes at all. The addiction specialist talked a lot about actually looking in the mirror and seeing yourself for what you really are. Of course I didn't feel like I had an issue with this. I know I'm big...huge. I know I always have been. There is NO WAY I see myself as smaller than I really am. I look in the mirror daily. Yes I was looking in the mirror daily before surgery, but was a I really seeing?

I ran across this picture this past week. It was taken of me, without me knowing, at the Susan G. Komen North Texas Race for the Cure on June 12 this year. I was mortified when I saw it. I knew I was obese before surgery, and still am at this point, but I honestly hadn't seen THIS. I knew I was at my very biggest, but STILL. I just had not SEEN this! My stomach protruding as if I'm about 18 months pregnant, my non-existent neck, and then of course those arms. It was sweltering that day, as it normally is in Texas in June, and so I had rolled my sleeves up on my t-shirt. Yeah, maybe not the best idea. I remember this day. It was HARD for me. I could feel my excess weight all day long. I didn't have the energy I normally do at the Race. I couldn't squat to take pictures as I normally can. At one point I did squat and was seriously scared I wouldn't be able to get back up. I was pouring sweat profusely and it was hard to breathe. I was miserable walking around the Race course. When it was all over I was thrilled. I was also sad. Sad that I felt this way. I DIDN'T want to feel this way! Seeing this picture the past week brought it all back. I NEVER want to be at this point again. NEVER! I honestly felt like I was dying, which in reality I was. I was killing myself with the weight. In the weeks leading up to surgery I would have thoughts of "I can feel myself dying. I hope I can just make it until surgery day." I never shared that with anyone. Who wants to admit that?! Not me. It's amazing how nearly 6 weeks later and 39 lbs lost that hopeless feeling is gone. I think it immediately disappeared the day I had surgery. My hope was back. I guess I was looking before, just refusing to see.

Last Thursday I got together with two ladies who have also had the DS procedure. They both had it about 3 1/2 years ago. It was great talking to them since they have both been where I am. I got some good advice and enjoyed hearing and sharing stories of surgery side effects and such. One thing kept creeping up though...that ugly self image. Both ladies have lost incredible amounts of weight and are so much smaller than they were before their procedure, yet they certainly do not see themselves as I saw them. They both still want to lose weight, are not happy in the size they are wearing, and have that mental block of still seeing themselves large. It bothered me. I'm following behind them and I don't want to feel that way. I don't ever want to forget where I've come from and what I've accomplished. I don't ever want to not be able to see myself. When I am at goal I want to see that, be happy about it, and not still see my self as that morbidly obese girl. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW the mental part is one of the hardest things to change, but I DO want to change it. I'm looking into seeing a behavioral psychologist because I want to get healthy...both psychically and mentally. I never want to take for granted the accomplishments I make in this weight loss journey.