St. Patty's - Then & Now

What a difference a year makes!

I have the same shirt on in both photos. Last year I was very self-conscious in it. I even wore a tank-top under it so it would hang out the bottom and hopefully cover up my big stomach a little more.

I loved the shirt this year! It was big and was a wonderful feeling! I wasn't self-conscious in it at all! I even enjoyed having pictures taken.

A few weeks ago my friend gave me the photo from last year after she had taken it off a bulletin board background she still had. I taped it up in my cubicle and look at it daily. It's just amazing to me. It's a TERRIFIC reminder of why I had the DS surgery!

Disappointed...in myself.‏

Ugh. Worst. Mood.

I weighed myself this morning, as it’s been 8 months today since I had my surgery. I haven’t lost any weight in the last month. No, I haven’t gained, BUT I HAVEN’T LOST. I’m so mad. And guess what? There is NO ONE to blame but myself! I REALLY hate it when that is the case! I HATE to be wrong! Really hate it. Just ask my family. Growing up it was ALWAYS someone else’s fault, mostly my younger sisters’. I do not like to lose! Lol! But apparently it’s time to grow up and take responsibility. Ugh again. What’s that about?!

I previously blogged about how I had really slacked since the holidays, had been eating a lot of carbs, drinking a lots of sweet tea, and eating a lot of chocolate. In that post I said that I was quitting all those things. I did quit them…for a day or two. Then it was right back on the unhealthy eating bandwagon. Ugh. And I knew what I was doing. I KNEW I didn’t need to order sweat tea. I KNEW I didn’t need to eat all that pizza and burgers, but I did anyway. In the past I could screw up with my eating and still have a good weight loss for the month. I was pretty much counting on that to continue. But ya know what, even when you’ve had weight loss surgery it is still no “easy fix” and you still have to work at it. I’m being hit in the face with that today. Besides not losing ANY weight (yeah, I’m bitter) I’ve been feeling gross too. You’d think one would STOP doing the things that made them feel sluggish and gross. Not so much when you are addicted to the thing, as I am. It’s been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Yup, I’m insane. And the thing is, I know better. I know what to do. I know to watch my portions, which I’ve let go lately because I can eat more than in the first few months after surgery. I still can’t eat like I previously did, but I need to reign it back in regardless. I know to not eat carbs, sugar, and I know I need to exercise. I know that doing the elliptical once in the last month WILL NOT CUT IT. I know these things, yet I still did whatever I wanted and failed myself.

So besides getting back on track with eating right and exercising, it’s time…it’s time to work on this mental thing that leads me back to sabotaging myself. I got the name of a well-liked counselor from a friend of mine WAY back in September and never called them. What’s worse is that I also lost the info. So today I have emailed my friend, admitting to never calling and losing the info, and asked for it again. I’m going to bite the bullet and call. I don’t have this mental part under control like I was trying to trick myself into thinking. It’s time. I’ll continue to spiral out of control if I don’t reign it in. I’ll keep you updated as to how it goes!

I don’t need a pity party or condolences. I just need to do this. This is my one chance. They tell you with the DS surgery that you have 18 months to lose your excess weight, while your body is in the ketosis state. I’ve wasted this past month for sure, and other months could have been a bigger loss. It’s just time to stop being ridiculous. This is my life and I’m taking it back. I’m going to refresh my memory with the guide given me by my doctor’s office and GET BACK ON TRACK!

I almost didn’t take pictures today, I figured what’s the point, I look the same as last month when I weighed this same amount. Lol. But I did it anyway.

I also included these. I wore this skirt and top to church a few weeks ago. I hardly every wear skirts or dresses, much less ones that don’t come pretty far down my leg. I was totally self-conscious since I’m not used to wearing this, but I was elated that I COULD wear it. This was actually a hand-me-down from my sister. She didn’t want it anymore and I gladly accepted the size 20 outfit with open arms!

The same goes for this top I wore to work today. It’s a 1X, yes really, hand-me-down from my sis as well. I’ve never been so excited to wear other people’s clothes! Mostly because I’ve NEVER been able to wear other people’s clothes!

And last but not least I thought I’d share this AWESOME (to me) Non-Scale Victory. While at the mall this weekend I got a new battery in my watch. I hadn’t worn my watch since before surgery. Why? Because it was skin tight and SUPER uncomfortable. Look how big it is now!!! I love it! I’m going to wear it until it falls off! (Ignore my funky pink arm/hand.)

While I may not have lost weigh in the last month (still bitter at myself) I’ve had some pretty great non-scale victories. Thank you GOD for these victories, and for showing me the way when I stumble and am lost!

7 Months Post-Op

It's been 7 months since surgery and I can't believe it. Time has really flown. I weighed myself this morning and was very excited by the number on the scale. I've lost 139 lbs in the last 7 months! Praise God! Thank you Jesus! :) I've seen a light at the end of the tunnel for awhile now, but today it seemed even more real. I'm really going to do this. One day I'm really not going to be fat, overweight, plus size. It's definitely in reach now.

I took my 7 months pics this evening. They are little far away as this was my first time to use my new camera on my tripod. I didn't realize it until much later. I'll do better next time! Hopefully you can still see my shrinkage! ;-)

At this point in my weight loss I've gone down many sizes and have had to purchase some new clothes. Clothes shopping used to be the most horrible task ever. Now it's only horrible because I can't buy everything that fits! Yay! It's a great problem to have.

I purchased this new sweater, cami, & pants a few weeks ago at Lane Bryant. I figured I better use my Christmas giftcard before I'm smaller than a 14, which is their smallest size. ;-) I'm not there yet, but I'm running toward it!

I decided against these pants and this shirt. Guess what? The shirt was too big! Whoo hooo! I would have gone for the smaller size because I thought it was cute, but it was the only one on the clearance rack. Oh well.

I also hit up a consignment store the other day. I need to get some deals on these new clothes since I'm going through the different sizes so quickly. These pants were too short, unfortunately, but I did purchase this shirt. It's too big, but it was $4.50. Um yeah, when it's that cheap I'll take it!

Guess what brand these $10 jeans were?! Tommy Hilfiger! I was excited to buy them because a brand name like that totally fit me. They are probably "so last season" but I will wear them with pride.

Yay for the last 7 months of progress! Thank you to everyone who continually supports me in this journey. It really does mean the world! ;-)

McOatmeal

I tried McDonald's new Fruit & Maple Oatmeal this morning and it was...wait for it...DELISH!

I had seen the commercials, and posters on the store windows for it, but since I'm not the hugest oatmeal fan (ate too much of the stuff during lapband and Weight Watchers and got burned out) I wasn't sure about it. I'm also not a huge fan of apples so that was another drawback for me, but I was starving this morning, had nothing at the house, and wanted to be healthier than Egg McMuffins and burritos so I opted for the oatmeal.

It gets an A in my book! The combo of oates, raisins, apples, and cranberries, along with brown sugar was just right. Oh, and it's also available without brown sugar if that's not something you want. As the website says, "The tasty bowl has two servings of whole grains, about a half cup of fruit and is rich in vitamin C." I loved that the nutritional info was right on the side of the cup too. The serving size is 9.2 oz and has 290 calories, 4.5 g of fat, 5 g of protein, and 32 g of sugar. The sugar is high, depending on the eating/lifestyle change you have adopted (diet is a dirty word!). However if you aren't into fruit and just want some healthy oatmeal on your way to work you could cut out 15 g of sugar by cutting the cranberry raisin blend. I personally think it makes the dish, but to each their own.

Definitely check it out. It was a yummy, healthy option for breakfast on the go.

And no, McDonald's isn't paying me to endorse them...dang it!

Exciting NSVs

I love when the scale shows a smaller number, but I also love those Non-Scale Victories. They mean just as much to me and are oh so exciting. Here are a few that I thought I'd share with you.
I took this pic awhile back when I was able to fit into this shirt again. It was SO exciting for me. I had bought it back in 2008 and hadn't worn it in ages because it didn't fit. And these pants are actually huge now and I was just excited they were fitting here! Love this NSV!

Weird pic, huh? lol. For me this is huge. Back in October, Deborah decorated my desk with some cutesy rings and these bracelets for my birthday. Shockingly I was able to put these bracelets on. They fit over my hands. That's HUGE! I've always had to buy jewelry at the plus size stores, or not wear it at all, when it came to many rings and bracelets.

I took this pic back in September before Keelie & I did the Hills & Heels 5K. These capri pants were falling off of me, which was an incredible victory considering I couldn't wear them before surgery in June.

This side view was taken the next day before we headed to the 5K. Shirt size...2X. Incredible. AND, the pants were starting to get baggy! It's truly amazing.

This picture was taken on Easter Sunday, April 2010. As you can tell this shirt is looking a bit tight.

I had it on again here, in May 2010, at a Komen meeting. Sadly, this is the day the local news crew came and filmed us for a special that aired the week of the Race. Notice the shirt sticking nicely to the busting out roll. Yeah.

But excitingly, here I am today, in the same shirt. It's big & baggy and the neck is so loose now that my bra kept showing all day.

And today was the last day for me to wear these size 26 pants. Pants which I couldn't fit into before surgery. I probably should have stopped wearing these awhile back, considering my 24's are already big, but hey, my wardrobe is limited right now so I continued to wear them. Yes, the wardrobe is limited now, but for a completely different reason than before surgery. Yay!

These Non-Scale Victories thrill me! Yes the decreasing number on the scale is wonderful, but these victories make me over the moon! :-) I look forward to the ones yet to come!

Tightening the Reigns

It's a new year and it's time to get back on track!

I've REALLY slacked off during the holidays without even realizing it at first. A little junk here, a little junk there, and pretty soon I was eating junky stuff exclusively. Even if I'm not gaining the weight I've still begun to feel very sluggish, blah, and nauseated after eating said junk. That's ridiculous and it's time to stop. First off, I must stop the sweet tea, AGAIN. After surgery I really couldn't drink it because it would upset my stomach. Of course 6 months later I've healed a lot and am able to tolerate the evil sugar drink much better, which is why during the holidays it's been a staple for me. It's time to stop it. I do NOT need this sugar which makes me feel tired and yuck all day. Sweet tea, I'm breaking up with you.

Carbs, your next. I've really loosened the reigns on carbs all throughout the holidays. I started eating breads, pastas, rice, and WAY too many potatoes. It's time to stop! These too are making be feel blah and gross. It's time to go back to the basic...protein and veggies. I did so well for months after surgery. That was all I was eating and I was feeling better because of it. Goodbye carbs! Yes, I love you. I'm not saying we'll never be together again. I'm just saying you must not come around every meal. I'm over you!

And then there is chocolate. Chocolate and I have had a long relationship. About 31 years. Chocolate knows I can't resist him so he jumps in my shopping cart when I'm at the store and finds his way home with me. Well chocolate, when I grocery shop today you are not coming with. And when I get home all those kisses you've left lying around are going into the trash and out to the dumpster. I can't control myself around you. I can't have just a little. Pretty soon it's handfuls until I feel ill. I must remove you all together. I know I have no self-control and must plan accordingly.

You see, even if you've had a procedure that makes you malabsorptive there are things you should still not do, which I'm learning. Yes, I can kind of get away with doing them, but then I feel like crap as I do today. No more. I'm tightening the reigns and getting back on track.

Goodbye sluggishness, hello feeling good and having more energy!

Then & Now

As I look back over 2010 I have a lot to be thankful for. I truly believe my decision to have the Duodenal Switch procedure has, and will continue to, change my life. I'm losing weight, feeling better, eating healthier (most of the time), and able to see a light at the end of this tunnel!

This picture was taken 12-30-09. Just at a year ago. Sadly, it was not my heaviest. I continued to gain around 30 lbs before my actual surgery date. I was in one of those "eat everything because it'll be my last chance to do so" modes. How dumb that was.

05-30-10 - My heaviest...ever. I went to my DS pre-op two days after this picture was taken and they weighed me. It was awful to see the number on the scale. The biggest I had EVER been. Thank God I had my surgery a month later. Oh, and as you can see I have this shirt on in BOTH photos. Yes, I wore this shirt ALL the time. It was baggyish (not so much now that I look back at these photos) but it fit over the fat. I had a VERY small wardrobe at the time. Not much fit so I wore the same few items ALL the time. My friend Deb has wanted to cut this shirt up for a long time now. She threatened to cut it up right after surgery but I told her I still needed it as the wardrobe was still small. I think it's time Deb! Let's cut this sucker into pieces! ;)

12-31-10 - This is me last night ringing in 2011 and 123 lbs smaller. Praise God! I found myself looking at my pictures from last night and still being disappointed at my size. I kept comparing myself to other people and was a little bummed. Then I pulled out the two other photos and realized how far I've come and I know what I am capable of. I can do this. I have done this and will continue to. Thank you God for your reminders in my life!

May 2011 be the best year yet!!!!